aku yang terluka

sidang hadirin sekalian, saya dgn ini mengumumkan bahawasanya...saya telah ditinggalkan sekali lagi, saya tahu saya bukan sorang wanita/perempuan yang bagus dan baik, cuma dalam sebuah perjalanan yang panjang utk menjadi lebih baik.

Saat ini, terasa seperti nafas lekat di kerongkong.

Ogos 2012, saya berkenalan dgn beliau, dan beliau seorang yang cheeky, fun dan sempoi, dan yg paling penting menghormati orang tua. Kerja mungkin pada saya terumbang ambing krn berkerja sendiri. Semua itu saya tidak kisah. Kami kerap berhubung pada awal 3 bulan perkenalan tetapi selepas itu, terputus hubungan selama sebulan atas sebab2 yang boleh dipercayai. Sehinggalah ada perasaan suka antara saya dan dia. Kami masih terus berhubung tetapi sudah tidak sekerap sebelum terputus hubungan sebulan itu.

Alkisahnya, November 2012, ada satu inbox text di laman sosial facebook saya. Kiriman dari seorang perempuan dari terengganu yang bertanyakan adakah saya dan beliau ada hubungan serius. By that time, beliau ada memutuskan saya utk menerima beliau sekitar Oktober 2012, sekitar raya haji. (saya sedang menulis dgn hati yang bengkak...T____T). As what i saw, i heard,and his explain, saya abaikan saja prank text tersebut. Keadaan berjalan seperti sedia kala.

SEHINGGA Mac 2013, saya didatangi lagi dgn inbox text yang sama dari org yg sama. then only im thinking, who is this fella towards my man. I ask, i went to my hometown sbb nk face to face dgn beliau semata. I did ask. Did u love her? how long u know her? Y did gurl keep asking me who am i? Who am i to u? After we having very tense period about 3weeks.

29 June 2013, he confess that he choose that gurl. The reason he said to me while i meet him at my hometown was...

"i tersepit antara u dgn my parents, ya i dah kenal dia lama dan mak asek pressure i utk truskan dgn dia"

but then when i ask him back, "did u love her deeply?" he said he also no certain.

"so who am i to u? hbis yang u ckp serius dgn i tu was fake la? u come to see my parents bagai2?" then he replied me "yes, i did serius with u, tapi i was pressure by my parents"

sapa gila ni...aku gila ka dia gila????!!!!! (omg...ya allah....engkau je yg tahu rasa apa yang aku rasa SEKARANG)

less than 24h, after he said he choose that gurl, he also unfriend me at the FB...itu mcm menghanjing...

the frust one is when the gurl keep uploading pictures of beliau since they havin a meeting at terengganu. He purposely went to Terennganu to meet up that girl as ask by his parents.

Lastly, i choose to walk away since he said he choose her but not break me. Tp all the actions showed so!! im not stupido!! U r the one who stupid. I pray that u will be dumb sooner. People change as the world change


Untuk family saya (best man in my life ABAH, super IBU, ANGAH the greats, andak n wife, makndak and Hubby, kwn2 yang selalu support saya (ecah and dhiya),, kwan2 sama study (team, azie, ann, kak mel, ct, mas, mahe etc).....

aku nk bgtau korang, yang aku rasa sakit sgt skang. Luka lama dulu tak elok sepenuhnya, and now im facing it again.

Aku bukan jenis yg pandai bergaduh rebut2 lelaki, if he not meant to me, he will not. But as abah said, as far as he go, if he meant to u, he will back to u. Sabar dan tunggu serta berusaha untuk kehidupan kakak sendiri.

Even it is just a while, it much meant to me. He make me to accept him, cure previous pain, but he did put back the wound in my heart.

Even thought i been love in cautions, it still hurt me. Tears. Broke into a pieces again. Which i think MY TRUE LOVE only can cure it. Ya Rabb. Truly. Certainly.

For him and his gurl, i did wish happily even after. aku memang takkan tgok lagi korang. because it will hurt me to the deepest.

(feels like to hug abah rite know, but he had been far away at my hometown...)
too much pain for 2012 and 2013, hope new year 2014 will bring all the sadness away

keluarga yang baik hati dan kwan2 yang memahami, doakan lah supaya saya ditemukan dgn real man, who can cares me, please me, guide me and certain with his choice. After all....hal lain aku mampu nk usahakan sendiri, tp hal yg satu ini, percayalah aku x mampu, 2x!! same thing happened. Yang aku percaya, allah itu temukan aku dgn org yg salah sepanjang perjalanan aku utk bertemu org yang baik dan tepat.

Ketenagan sila hadir, rasa aman, mari dampingi aku, damai...aku mahu.

Sepanjang perjalanan ini, banyak rasa aku telan, bermacam keputusan aku buat....untuk aku belajar, menerima setiap sekecil zarah kejadian adalah kehendak Allah. Segala rasa, dorongan, keputusan...adalah dari-NYA.


Kuatkan aku. La tahzan.
Tears, the only ecstasy that can killer the pain. To reduce the tense. To release..zikir wani zikir. Allah tgh uji ko. Kalo ko tak mampu, pasti aku dorong dia memilih kau, yang aku tahu hati satu lagi tidak mampu. She not as tough as u wani.

*korang.....be my crying shoulders!!!!